blasts from the past

is it wrong to compare the past with the present? nowadays i can't help but think twice about what's happening with my life. This weekend has left me happy yet also brooding with questions i can't find answers for. Perhaps it's the fact that what i have right now isn't for a long-term thing. I can't help but regret that, more so that there is no guarantee whatsoever that this could have a possibility of having one.

Maybe i was just spoiled too much by my previous relationship. Rest assured, i love my sweetie. I guess I am saddened by the fact that unlike before, i am assured if not with time, with the actions that one shows me that i am loved, cared for and yes, appreciated. I don't mean to nitpick, after all, i have seen and felt my share of that these past months. Yet, somehow, i feel a certain negligence that i can't shake off, that this is all waning, even before it has to.

I miss the touchy-feely lambing, the sweetness that comes naturally from someone who enjoys your company, even when you're doing nothing. I miss the cute little notes, the baduy corny nonsensical things that comes from a guy who likes you a lot. The small things that are corny, the little acts of romanticism that somehow has become a thing of the past.

Am i merely paranoid? I can't shake it off... i wish i can just be like a guy and forget about it. I envy those who can easily change their emotions, or subdue them toa point that they feel nothing. I want that.

i find myself missing my ex again. *sigh*

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